Things I've learned

You can’t control whether or not somebody will love you. Either they will or they won’t, and both are okay.

I don’t want to fast forward through the bad times; I would never learn anything about myself and grow as a person.

Having happiness as your goal in life isn’t silly; being happy gives you strength to do everything else you need to do.

Manipulating people can make you feel smart and powerful, but eventually it makes you feel stupid and small.

Withholding forgiveness really does only hurt you.

Believing you know everything just makes you ignore ideas and advice that could really help you.

There is a perfect song for every situation and emotion. Music can get you through anything.

If you get an idea in your head and believe it to be absolute truth, sometimes you close yourself off to reality. Convincing yourself something is true doesn’t mean it is.

Avoiding things usually makes them harder.

Thinking about something can be a powerful tool, an unhealthy obsession, or a complete waste of time depending on what the something is.

If you walk by something on the floor fifty times and are annoyed that it’s there every time, maybe you should just pick it up and put it where it goes.

Taking one day at a time

A basic survival tool, but a good one. It works. Something I am quite thankful for at this time in my life, as it makes the overwhelming temporarily manageable. I really don't recommend simultaneous emotional and physical trials...in fact, it sucks. But I think that focusing on just getting through the day and taking strength from the remaining good things will see me through to the other side. At least that's the plan. :-)

Lapses in writing

Sometimes there is no much happening in my life that I can't manage to think of a single thing to say.

Last minute packing

To do: 10 loads of laundry, all the packing, find my license, get house and cat ready for us being gone

Already done:

Random collection of thoughts

Riahna looks so adorable getting on and off the school bus. Such a big girl.

I'm really enjoying having time every day where just Julien is home with me. That's something you don't always get with the second child.

For my sanity, I need this election to be over. Hasn't it been going on forever? Of course, it would need to end the way I want it to, otherwise my sanity will be in question for a very long time.

Disney World in 9 days!

Allergies suck.

Life would be a sad sad exercise without music and dance.

It's Britney, Bitch

It's official...Britney will be opening the VMA's again this year. After last year's train wreck, I'm surprised they're giving her another chance. She'd better be brilliant. Something tells me she won't disappoint.

UPDATE: Whatever. That didn't count as opening the show. Total false advertising. I was happy to see her win though.

Happiness in song

Amy MacDonald - This is the life


Passenger - Night vision binoculars (Walk you home)

My poor eyes

Two weeks of the Olympics and now the Democratic Convention and US Open, plus a disgusting amount of hours every day on the computer. My eyes are starting to hate me. I don't think it's the TV so much as the computer because of all the reading. Erg. Maybe I should get a job as a park ranger or something. Any suggestions or helpful hints?

UPDATE: Convention is over (it was amazing!) and I'm only watching the Open here and there. There's no getting away from hours every day on the computer, but I'm trying to spend as much of my non-computer time outside as possible. So far, my eyes are thanking me. :-)

Olympics

I always look forward to watching them and then spend many hours doing just that. It's wonderful to see the whole world come together for a common purpose, and it's incredible to see the best athletes in every sport from every country competing against each other. Phelps blew everybody out of the water, making history in the process, and Bolt practically jogged across the finish line in the 100 meters, so far ahead of the other fastest men in the world that he seemed superhuman. But so far my favorite athlete to watch has been Roger Federer. Yes, he got knocked out early in singles. But to see him playing doubles with fellow Swiss Wawrinka was a treat. He was like a little boy running, jumping and rolling around the court. He was so excited about winning, and it was so much fun to watch. Can't wait to see what happens in the second week.

Change

I've learned this week that it's easier to be the one moving away than the one left behind. Being someone who understands the need to experience new places doesn't make it any easier; emotions aren't logical like that. But one never knows what the future holds in store, and there is always a silver lining. Change is ultimately always good, however painful it seems in the moment.

wow

Amazing. You've got to love a story like this. Still, I can't help but think that it would be scary to have a lion come running and jumping at you, even if you knew him.

Seriously?

I'm now mentoring my third teen, and every now and then my mentor liaison emails suggestions for activities. Usually they are good ones, but today's was for the following event:

Between the Church and the Cemetery: 19th Century Mourning Customs and Clothing--a special display of mourning clothes and customs in recognition of Memphis' most devastating event, the 1878 Yellow Fever epidemic.

I certainly have no interest in seeing that and can't imagine any teenage boy being excited about it either. There's nothing fun about death, and even if it's not all about fun, there's certainly more relevant things to learn about. I think we'll skip this one.

JibJab

Fun, fun, fun. Add the heads of unsuspecting friends and family to crazy dancing bodies, then sit back and laugh. Click here to check it out.

Perfect song

Talking in code

Lots of times there's something on my mind that I really don't feel like talking about or can't quite figure out how to phrase, but there's still the urge to let somebody know that there's something going on. That somebody is usually DeWayne because he's really good at not asking questions. He will only ever ask why I'm bringing it up if I don't feel like talking, then tell me how silly I am and let me babble generalities. One of the things I love most about him. Other people would try to push me to say more or attempt to give advice. I don't want advice. I want to figure things out for myself and then talk about everything in the past tense. It's easier that way.

Some days just weren't meant to be good

Neither child napped today. That in and of itself is usually enough to constitute a bad day. But there was also the fit about what shirt to wear, the playing in the toilet (after using and before flushing...my personal favorite), and lots of general bratty behavior. On top of that, I couldn't find my racerback bra, forgot to do something that I really needed to, and sat in something sticky. Escaping to the park usually works on days such as this, but today I was greeted by the man who is getting a divorce because his wife decided she likes women. He was much too happy to see me and remembered all of our names. The words "Help me" scrolled pitifully across my brain. I was supposed to go dancing tonight which would have made all of this seem trivial, but my friend cancelled this morning. grrr. I realize that things could be a lot worse than this, but right now I'm just happy the day is almost over.

When I grow up...

I wanna be famous. Just kidding--Pussycat Dolls' song is stuck in my head. I've never been able to finish this thought with a specific dream or goal. Vague generalities I'm pretty good at. Perhaps I've always lacked focus due to my parents telling me that I could do and be anything I wanted. Or maybe the idea of committing to only one thing doesn't quite work for me. Not having a plan has served me well so far. I think I'll just promise myself that if I ever come up with one, I'll stop at nothing to make it reality.

Life is funny

Every time I think I have it all figured out, here comes another curve ball. And lately, even when I get hit right in the face, things have worked out much better than expected. Maybe it's the result of a positive attitude or paying it forward; maybe it's just dumb luck. Either way, I'm not going to question it. Sometimes the best thing that can happen is to get smacked in the face.

Baruch Dayan HaEmet

Joseph Fisher--my great uncle and a true gentleman who always made me feel like the most special person in the world. He will be missed.

Soul meets body

I'd like to live where soul meets body too; maybe I could catch a cab there.

Life lessons

Sometimes good people do bad things.

It's better to be tired from doing too much than bored from doing nothing.

Before eating peach ice cream, it's important to make sure someone isn't about to tell you a story about a boy slicing open the main artery in his arm.

NKOTB

They're back! Yes, they're still really cheesy, but Jordan and Joey are also still really hot, and I love their new song. That's right...I'm not afraid to admit that I've sought out and played the song several times this morning. Click here to listen. Good stuff. Brings back memories of Jones Beach and high school, especially of the performance they did in our auditorium. Whether or not you were a fan (I'm pretty sure I pretended I wasn't, but I was secretly crushing), it was pretty exciting to have them right there.

Stress

It's evil. Insidious. And in my case, quite internally generated. Until recently that is. My long vacation from real life allowed me to analyze my stress level and how it related to my happiness level and also my ability to effectively interact with the people around me. I've been on high alert for any sign that I'm beginning to either create unneccessary stress for myself or allow legitimate stress to take over my life and personality ever since. So far it has been working extremely well. Nothing has really changed except the way that I choose to react to situations and problems. Mind over matter...it can be done! Now I live much more in the moment and enjoy much more of my time with my children. The house is messier, a bill almost got paid late last week, and my schedule got thrown completely off by a three-hour nap today, but the truly important things are much improved. If I can keep this up, my head will have gone from a stressed-out to a stress-reduced zone; stress-free being far too ambitious. ;-)

Never give up?

There are two facts that are a constant source of upset to me and my rational mind: George Bush will not leave Iraq, and Hillary Clinton will not leave the race for the Democratic nomination. They both believe, no doubt, that they are exhibiting great strength and perseverance by "staying the course." Bollocks, I say. Refusing to see reality or admit the truth is not a sign of strength but of denial, proof of nothing more than stubbornness and fear of failure. These weaknesses are staining their personal legacies and threatening the future of our great country. Giving up is not weak when it saves lives or allows others to succeed. Sometimes it is simply the right thing to do.

Yikes

For months it has been tripping me out that I can say I have a five-year-old, and as of today I have a three-year-old too. The first thing this means is that an impossible amount of time has passed. The second, and more maddening, thing is the fact that there are now two little maniacs living in my house. Up until this point there was one maniac and one sweet boy, but in the last month Julien has turned into a growling, punching, Lego-gun-building, fit-throwing, "No"-screaming, scrunchy-faced monster. One of my many nicknames for him, Hooligan, is now sadly appropriate. As this transformation is undoubtedly not reversing itself anytime soon, and Riahna shows no signs of suddenly becoming a quiet, obedient angel-child, my only hope is that I'm able to maintain a calm and patient force to withstand their combined attacks. I'm in trouble.

It's been a while

I've been neglecting this blog. In my defense, I've been without my computer for the last 2.5 weeks, but even before that the posts were few and far between. Note to self: find more interesting things to say more often. For now I'll just say that my trip to NY reminded me what it feels like to be stress-free. It's wonderful and uplifting and downright empowering. My goal now is to find ways to hold onto that feeling and not allow stress to creep back in, because doing that will keep me (and those who happen to live with me) happier and more focused on what truly matters. The trip also reinforced how important friends and family are. I saw so many people who I know and love and miss very much, and the conversations we shared were stimulating and special to me, regardless of length or topic. Just to have that time together...the crossing of paths as we all tumble around the universe.

Recommitment

It was cold and rainy in Memphis today, but thousands of people showed up to honor the memory of Martin Luther King Jr. Forty years ago, he was killed here, and today his children and black leaders from all over the country gathered along with people of all colors to speak of the progress made and the journey still remaining. It was inspiring. From the rally at City Hall, we marched to the Civil Rights Museum, former site of the only establishment in Memphis where blacks could stay--the Lorraine Motel. To see Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton standing at this site alongside King's children was powerful and sad and important. We must never forget the injustice of the past, but all anger and resentment must be let go. Instead, the memory must lead us to recommit to the fight for equality for all people. The day left my hands and feet numb from the cold, but my heart was warmed and filled with hope.

Iraq War =

5 years (and counting)

3990 US soldiers' lives (and counting)

800 billion US dollars (and counting)

0 weapons of mass destruction found

0 pre-war links to Al Queda found

1 very costly mistake

Mermaid model

So I've always loved the idea of being a model for a day and doing a photo shoot, but I never imagined that I'd actually have the chance to do one, and never in my wildest dreams was it an underwater shoot. Very cool. Quite difficult and exhausting, but seeing the photo made it all worthwhile.

(Photo courtesy R. Salant)

Frightening words of ignorance and hatred

Sally Kern, an Oklahoma State Legislator, believes that gays are the biggest threat to America, and she uses God to defend her position of intolerance and fear. Please listen to this and think about what is really important.

Viva Viagra

Ok, so I'm not a man with ED. I'm not even a man. But this commercial is ridiculous. Has anybody seen it? The poor man with ED comes home every day in the same boring way in his boring car with a boring honk to his bored wife with the boring groceries until one day he discovers Viagra. He's suddenly a real man again, and everyone knows that real men drive motorcycles. He roars up the driveway on his iron horse, his wife drops the groceries, and they ride off into the sunset being all exciting and sexy. I get the fantasy aspect to this, not that it is one that I subscribe to, but I recognize that most men believe that a man on a motorcycle is a manly man. However, even if you believe that a little blue pill is going to turn you into the manly man on the motorcycle, how does the song "Viva Viagra" work here? It's from an Elvis song of course, and he didn't exactly live a long, Viagra-enhanced life. He certainly had a lot of sex before he died, but that was because he was unbelievably beautiful, ridiculously sexy, and incredibly famous. I don't see how any of this helps sell a product to the average man except, of course, if one accepts the premise that a man doesn't think with his head.

Election

I love this movie, and the comparison is dead on. If you've seen the movie, this is hilarious. If you haven't, you should rent it immediately and then watch this.

No Miss for me

I have now had several experiences with people trying to call me Miss Delilah. Apparently this is really common in the South, but to me it's a strange phenomenon. I don't like it. It sends a creepy feeling down my spine, and I've been trying to figure out why. The current theory is that titles such as this are designed to put people in their place, and I don't subscribe to such tools of discrimination disguised as necessary ways to show respect. I have had conversations with several teachers at the kids' preschool, trying to understand their point of view and explaining mine. We seem to have reached an understanding. I obviously don't object to my children calling their teachers Miss ....., but I refuse to correct the other children when they call me Delilah. And every time a teacher calls me Miss Delilah or Ms. VanSciver, I will ask them to call me Delilah. I'm not more important than them or the children. We're all people. And we should all respect each other simply by the way that we speak and not by using titles.

Mentoring

I recently started mentoring a seventeen-year-old boy named Jacob, and it has been such a rewarding experience. I would encourage everyone I know to consider mentoring. There are so many children who desperately need somebody to talk to. Just listening and spending time can show them that the world is a better place than they thought and give them hope and confidence for the future. So many kids get a raw deal, and being a mentor will help one of them in a very personal and dramatic way. If you can, find out about programs and opportunities near you. You won't regret it.

Best game ever!

I'm not sure what I'm happiest about right now: Tom Brady and the Patriots losing, watching a great game where the underdog prevailed, or the fact that the Dolphins remain the only team in football history to have an undefeated season. The combination certainly had me screaming and jumping and forcing Riahna to high-five me over and over. I love football!!! And I love that several great plays notwithstanding, this game was really about the brilliance and determination of the Giants defense, and the surprising failure of New England's offensive line. It was hard for Tom to lead his team to victory when he spent so much time lying down on the field.

Yes We Can

An amazing song inspired by the words of Barack Obama. If we take the time to listen, words and music can change the world.

Feel-good songs

There's something to be said about fun and breezy songs that make you feel happy and hopeful. Here are two new or recently discovered videos for songs that just make me smile:

New Soul

Mushaboom

Incidentally, the marketing geniuses at Apple have used both songs in their commercials.

A great cause

I've always loved the idea of helping other people, and lately I've been taking more direct actions toward that purpose. There are so many people in need and so many worthy causes that it can be hard to know where to start. When it comes to donating money, it is also difficult to determine where your contribution actually winds up. I recently found out about a site that allows you to loan money to unique small businesses in the developing world. This is wonderful because it allows you to have a personal involvement in fulfilling the dream of a hard-working person from across the world. For anyone interested in making a real difference in one person's life, this site is worth checking out.

His dream

I listened to Martin Luther King, Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech with my children today...and I cried. Those powerful words always have that effect on me. In the past I think it was because of the pain and suffering that had been endured in the fight for the equality that should have been theirs from birth. But today it was more about the fact that the dream has never completely been realized. Why do we humans continue to focus on the differences in a way to push some down and lift others up? Why does skin color still signify so much to so many? And why do those of us who hold no hatred not do more to stand and fight for what is right? I am proud to have started on this path myself and am hopeful that my children will inherit a world where equality is so ingrained that the fight is no longer necessary.

Why I love Obama

It's hard not to gravitate toward a politician who actually sounds like a real person, especially when they're also charismatic, funny, brilliant and inspiring. Check out this refreshingly entertaining and truthful clip from CNN.com:
speech in Nevada 1/18/08
Ignore the technical difficulties in the beginning, and then try not to laugh.

Blogging

I don't know how people post things every day. Sometimes I have something to say but can't bear the thought of getting back on the computer after staring at it all day. Sometimes I have nothing at all to say or am simply too tired to say it well. If only I had more time, or could write without slowing myself down by analyzing every word. Not going to happen anytime soon. Oh well...I'll cling to the hope that my loyal readers find the infrequent posts worth waiting for.

Countdown to caucuses

Residents of Iowa are so lucky. The presidential candidates wander around there for months, talking to people on the streets and hanging out in the local cafes. What a wonderful opportunity for voters to actually get to know them. Then, instead of just walking into a booth and flipping a switch, Iowans proudly declare their choice at the caucus. I still don't have a complete understanding of how caucuses work, but I'm fascinated by the whole process, especially on the Democratic side. If voters in all elections had the opportunity to switch their vote if their candidate received less than 15% of the vote, President George W. Bush would have been only a bad dream, and Ralph Nader wouldn't be so villified. Someday I'm moving to Iowa so that I too can be important in the democratic process. I'll just have to figure out where it is first.

The new year comes early

Everyone with kids knows how rough it can be on New Year's Eve. They want to stay up, but they just keep getting more tired and cranky. Julien I let stay up later than usual, but by 9:30 he and I had both had enough of him being awake. I tried to convince Riahna to follow suit, but she was determined to stick it out. We were watching the CNN coverage of Times Square (can't stand Ryan Seacrest; love Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin), and she was excited about seeing the ball drop. It was then that I remembered that since TN is an hour earlier, midnight would actually arrive at 11. Brilliant. Eventually kids gain an understanding of time, but until then parents in TN who still think New Year's Eve only happens in NY have it made.